if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
