There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
