I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
