Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
