Plan B is the new Plan A
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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