the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
