She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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