I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
