you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
