you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
