I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
