And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
