Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I had to cum in my sink.
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