Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
