what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
