She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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