dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I need moral support for this bender
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
