My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Come on in and take your pants off
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