nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
