Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We were destined to go to rehab together
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
