it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
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