you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
