I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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