I'm jealous of your bromance
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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