I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
