I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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