idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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