I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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