did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
