The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
