Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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