I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
