my being single is dangerous.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
