well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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