so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
