my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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