I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Randomize
