That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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