Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
