Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
