i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
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