i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
