how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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