As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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