Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
