I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
