you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
