You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
