Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
