I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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