i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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