so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
