I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i've created a new STD.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
